+ a beau__tiful ho___

April 30, 2007

Cheers to the so called professional lecturer who speaks of his fellow colleagues as if they're in the wrong.

hope there r no misunderstanding between u and myself jas and mike~ i hope u know how to differentiate between professional vs no-professional , good and evil~ sincere vs despicable~ i value u as my students and i hope u can behave and think through wad have happen in the right frame of mind
-JK

-nIx- @ [[11:34 PM]]

April 29, 2007

nIx made a whole bunch of dodo birds go home because she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep without her lovely sunshine babies! Hahahaha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUTHER!

-nIx- @ [[12:53 AM]]

April 27, 2007

J.K. YOU ARE THE WORST LECTURER I HAVE EVER BEEN UNDER.

Two headed crap. We asked for a full set of answers and he gave us the answers from question 23 and he gave another student he favoured answers all the way from question 1. So during break JJ went to queue up to request for the full set and he just say no time no time and started class again.

I asked him question 15 and I said it couldn't balance then he gave me the weird face and said it should balance. So we showed him the answer and he said the examiner's answer is wrong. Then I showed him mine but it fucking doesn't balance. Then he went to tell us not to waste so much time in the exam trying to balance that we will fail. So I asked him to stay back after class to do the question with us. Then he told us not to waste time to start with question 1 and start with qn 17 onwards instead. If you don't learn how to walk, how to run? You are just smoking your way through. If you don't know how to do the question, admit it.

FUCK YOUUUUUUU.

-nIx- @ [[12:11 AM]]

April 25, 2007

Today, for the 4th major and 1001th minor time, I'm going to try giving up on you. It's gonna be hard but I'll have to try. I did it before, I'm just going to have to do it again.
Today I spent my after school hours doing Consolidated Accounts questions and after we left we saw the teacher downstairs.

Me : "We've got a lot of questions to ask you. Our conso doesn't balance"
T'chr : "Don't balance is good, in exams balance is bad."

Eh? I know people will just do anything to make it balance and thus editing correct answers wrong but I'm not the type okay? You better teach me how to make every single question balance. Btw, my Conso P&L CMI.

-nIx- @ [[8:44 PM]]

April 24, 2007

I hate it when things sour up and curdle like mixing milk with orange juice. Ruins everything.

My mood has been like shit last night and today. I was supposed to be in the library studying the whole day with Jasmine but I apparently refused to go last night because I know my temper today would ruin everything and make my studies unproductive.

I wanted to grab an ice cream today but of all days the shop downstairs had to close at 7pm and I was down at like 7.03pm? Of all days, it happens to be today I finally decide to go down and they decide to close early for whatever reasons.

Exam preparation periods are the worst durations of my whole life. I just practically lose my touch with every damned thing, living or dead.

To be honest, I got bored of life. Screw all the prize winner goals. I stopped wishing the day I failed and left my bloody remnants sprawled all over the floor ; my wishes either don't come true or they all eventually wind up as being one big pack of lies like I've been living in denial all along.

Fuck this life, it sucks.

Please reply.

-nIx- @ [[10:22 PM]]

April 23, 2007

Today is the 4th day in a row I've been studying. Not very productive today but it'll do. Jy and me face the same biggest distraction - food. But I swear she's worse.

Life isn't perfect.

It really drains me out. I'm tired.If it's not you, it's them ; or maybe it's just me

-nIx- @ [[11:01 PM]]

April 22, 2007

; one day, justice will uphold it's name.

Today we ate some dim sum. The lady paying before us was carrying a LV bag, a LV wallet and this super nice handphone which name on the back states ROYAL. Anyway, her total bill amounted to $103.70 but she wanted to pay by card. The place only accepted cash. So she and her family tried to combine all their money and all they could come out with is about $60 odd. In her wallet, there was only like $10. So she ended up paying the $3.70 and gave the owner her handphone number.

Conclusion : Rich people don't have cash on them so don't rob them unless you want their items instead.

Anyway, I'm in love with this Vertu phone which is orange in colour. Ahhhhh! I wish I have disposable income.

But then again, I have this gut feeling telling me I'll be successful in this stupid line to earn big bucks. I wonder why people work. For the money or for the passion?

I have spent this Friday and weekend studying. What a miracle.

-nIx- @ [[11:22 PM]]

It's been like a perpectual habit to not study on Fridays and weekends but to just get up early and sleep late either staying home online the whole day or just out in town shopping hoping for some bumping to be done in which only worked once in a hundred times, and so long ago. Hahahaha. Ridiculous.I just really want to see you again because you really, really make me smile
I guess dreams really do tell a lot. Like enemies will still be enemies in your dreams, and the exact opposite happens accordingly, or sort of.Because you've been in every dream since I last spoken to you, even if I forgot the contents.
For everything that's happened and it just makes me feel so lost..Because I've got good news to tell you, but I just don't know how to get about telling you about it
For everything heard but the dangers remain untold.Just take care of yourself in there because I'm pretty worried it'll happen and again, I don't know how to tell you about it. Won't be able to forgive myself if it actually does happen.
I see everybody drifting apart.And I'll just have to accept everything's not the same as before, but please be there for me, as a friend. That's all I'm asking for.
I want to go shopping! =(

-nIx- @ [[1:04 PM]]

Starting from right now, I need to form healthy sleeping habits and get my butt to the library to study subjects which I can't study at home and do questions while I'm at home.

Hmm, what am I waiting for? g'nites y'all.

-nIx- @ [[12:23 AM]]

April 21, 2007

Good grades make me happy.

But seriously, what or who am I working for? Is it so that I can have good news to report to you? Maybe so. I won't deny you've been a great motivation then, but now, just to maintain my results, I'm slaving away, studying. I've lost my direction, and half my life. Sometimes I still don't know why I'm still in this course giving myself unnecessary stress. I could be out there doing some other course I prefer. Because now, there's no motivation to work towards anymore. Nobody to spur me on, nobody stressing me out for the results but myself. Why so? So I can save my image? What image, if any, at all?

Wanting to be the youngest (female) graduate was never my intention. But I just needed some proper reason so I'd study. Why can't the reason just be me doing it for myself? Why is it always for someone else? I just don't understand why.

So I'd just end up upset over this for a day or two, maybe longer. I hope it'd go away soon.

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve anything at all.

-nIx- @ [[5:44 PM]]

Yours truly here met a very rude guy in the school's printing room. First he was making unofficial hand phone calls and made us wait, so when we explained what we wanted and he couldn't find it, he replied, "I don't have it here how do you expect me to give them to you" and I was more pissed off when I found out that as we were walking out of the room he exclaimed "My Gosh". Look who's bitching? Like I fucking offended you. I swear you're the rudest staff in my school ever.

Even that cleaning aunty is so friendly and doesn't even rant her head off when we(JY actually =x) messed up with sweets all over the floor during the CAT days. Even I respect her and I clear my own mess now. She's like the friendliest person in school and even when she's having a black face(because of the you-know-which teacher) she still talks to me like normal.

On a much more encouraging note, I studied from 10am till 9pm at the library today.

And for a pleasant surprise, I saved another $1000 again. Voucher for free 2 classes. Hurray. I thought I'd never get it because I knew Jas got a mark higher than me.

And so I got 3rd in Singapore for Law Module (Paper 2.2)

Jasmine should be 1st or 2nd. I'm happy for her too. Tung Lok group, here I come!

-nIx- @ [[12:29 AM]]

April 18, 2007

I have his disgustingly horrible teacher who makes use of students just because his work contract is going to end soon and he wants it his way and so he gets pity from the students to come out with a petition.

I can't imagine how some of my classmates just love the teacher so much and even cry to know he might be leaving. Yeah, leave for all I care, just find me a suitable teacher to carry on the teaching if needed. I don't really care because...

I feel so fucking used when they try to use our sympathy to help them out.

Why, this world is just filled with 101 assholes.

-nIx- @ [[10:44 PM]]

; hindrance or help?

I just can't believe my best friend in secondary school has been to hospital for days and even though so many people know, they never even bother to tell me. Even though we've drifted shouldn't I deserve to know as a friend?

I was just so shock to read her blog to find out stuff for myself. Since it's over I shan't brood over it. But one thing for sure if anything happened to her, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself because I knew she's been missing for days and yet no action was taken.

I'm just such a bad friend, stay away from me.

Might as well leave me out of your life since there's no difference right?

I don't mean to direct this to anyone and if I offended you I'm sorry. But next time, you guys better tell me else forget about calling me a friend because friends are supposed to care and be there for you always.

This makes me sound like I'm the worst friend you can ever have who doesn't even care about others just because I don't know what's going on.

Yeah, just my piece of mind because it made me upset enough to cry over it. Maybe I'm really just too stressed out.

-nIx- @ [[6:51 PM]]

I should be sleeping now.

Little revamps and updates to my friendster account. Got me thinking, everything's just totally different from what it was before.

Pictures there make me sad.

1. I miss the sunshine

2. I miss my long(er) hair days. Please remember not to dye your hair an obvious shade difference if you can't afford time or money to go maintain it. But mine's quite okay after like 4 haircuts?
My last being a month ago.

3. Plenty of shifts in friends, like people I'm hanging out with now isn't the same as those I used to hang out almost everyday previously. Sad indeed.

4. I forgot what it was like to have fun, to enjoy myself, to smile not just for the moment, but for a long long time.

5. Everything is just different. I hate changes.

Been pretty emo lately, I just can't help myself again. I didn't ask to be emo, it just came to me and I absolutely abhor it. Sigh. Save me, anyone?

-nIx- @ [[1:05 AM]]

April 17, 2007

The result of being home alone. I took like 3hours to prepare this. Hopeless? Yes.

Ingredients :
Maggi, maggi powder and seasoning, KIM CHI!, fishcake, mushroom & LOVE (oh and lots of stupidity)!

Truth to be told, it's the first time I stayed in the kitchen for so long and cooked something there this year. So what if it's maggi. I like it. =D

-nIx- @ [[8:59 PM]]

April 16, 2007

I'm just like a settler. Using everyone's but my computer. Then getting chased away from computer to computer. All thanks to my dependence of being online. Screwed.

Bought about $88 worth of comfort food(and drinks). Less than $10 are those food you can actually cook for proper meals. I bought at least 6types of drinks, mostly 1litre packets. 2 rice milk, 1 tea pack, 2 berries brand drinks, 6 vita yoghurt. I don't know what else.

-nIx- @ [[10:11 PM]]

I wish ;

that everything was like before, where I could just study from morning to night, sleep, wake up in the middle of the night, study, go back to sleep, wake up in the morning, study, eat, study, sleep.

But no - everything's just so different.

Just like it surfaced overnight ; I just don't like studying anymore.

If there was something impossible I could change, I'd turn back the time just to make it all perfect - you, me, us, everyone ; just like all the endings in the fairytales we've all been deceived by, spoonfed with since young. And I'd just create a world that's all cheery and such. No fights, wars, hate, agony, pain and suffering.

Teacher gossip has recently become politics among the teachers and other students, as long as it doesn't concern me, I'm fine. Just don't ask me to participate. For all you know, they're 2 headed teachers and students all around. I'm so not going to look like an ugly creature with two heads. Looking like one ugly old hag stressed out from everything possible is enough.

Petition, and more petition. The one and only one I ever had didn't work out too well, but I'm glad it didn't because that teacher wasn't that bad after all. This time I'm quite sure it'd work but it's just another teacher's strategy to make use of the students to help, whatever. Since it concerns my studies, I'd participate, else I'd have just said, go away.

~~; my life wasn't as fucked up as it is now.~~
; it's just the way I wanted it.

-nIx- @ [[1:29 PM]]

April 15, 2007

; somewhere over the week

Exactly a year ago, I just felt I lost everything I possibly could, as if no one was there for me. Know how it felt? For almost half a year, I felt like dying would be the best option.

Stayed back in school with the teachers till 12.30am to attempt questions, then they gossiped till 1.30am while I just tended to my own cashflow notes(this is so far the only topic I was so lively in class because I knew how to do them, excluding the few new additions) but evesdropping away. I don't like what they say, but one thing I found out, he's not as bad as I always thought him to be, afterall, he's always been trying to act in the best interest for us students. Just that I don't like his approach. I can be pretty insensitive at times, like how that lady was telling him people said he was fierce and then I let out a huge laugh and he looked at me, come to think of it, I hope I didn't insult the teacher, it wasn't on purpose.

JJ accidentally stepped on this cat at the ground floor while I was next to her and both of us ended up getting scratched by it. All I saw was this bigfurball running across my feet and feeling 2 really sharp long painful scratches on my toes.

I went to Mac to study overnight again just because I didn't want to waste money on cab fare going home since I stayed so far. But then again, nothing can relive the satisfaction from eating that pricey Big Mac. I love hashbrown and over the past 2 Big Macs, I've finally learnt to appreciate eating the bread. Lilian is another surprising girl whom I can just keep talking nonstop to. It's my first time studying with her and we click rather well.

I managed to walk myself to Lic's house on Friday, but I got lost walking back. I just walked for 10minutes but still ended up at the very same carpark right next to her block. It's the first time I try to walk to a main road and can't find it.

Now that I've got 5boxes of Kimite, I can just go practically any corner of the world without feeling any signs of motion sickness, that's how confident I am in those patches which this little dotty supposedly sunny island unfortunately doesn't want to sell for whatever reasons I don't really care.

I've effectively slept about 3hours today.

So many things have shaken me to wake up to face reality. Hello you cruel world.

44th posts were always meant for happy posts but it just doesn't seem so this time round.

It's been pouring cats and dogs recently, I'd rather bears. I miss the sunshine so very much.

-nIx- @ [[11:20 AM]]

April 09, 2007

Today I had the weirdest dream way beyond my comprehension. I reckon it'd probably not go beyond dreams. But that's just what makes me feel a little better everytime it happens.I guess you shouldn't be here before I place heavier reliance on you. You're like the addiction I can't kick, but I still need you here right now, for me.

-nIx- @ [[11:42 AM]]

April 08, 2007

Somehow it shows..
I'm not over you. But I'm really quite there.
how thankful I am for people being there.
Especially you because it just makes everything so much better
and the true colours of many people in which I never knew before.
Especially knowing you still care to do your best to help.
Don't get me wrong, I hope you understand how much it means to me.
Becuase there are times when I really feel like I'm not able to survive without your help.

-nIx- @ [[10:17 PM]]

9 hours of sleep but I'm tired way past my ability to take it. I just felt like lying on the bed and continue sleeping but I figured it'd be a waste of time because time gone can't be brought back.

Pretty much of everything I do goes unappreciated. Like teachers who don't even remember me though I score 86 in their papers. To them, I'm probably just another student who slacks about in classes, sits in the weirdest and rudest manner, talks when they're talking, doodles plentiful, easily distracted, distracts others and never does homework unless there's a requirement for checks by the office downstairs. Just some other student who scored 86 out of pure luck. Yeah, whatever. My effort is like shit which nobody appreciates.

I should just go sell tissue paper in the markets and coffee shops because they earn up to about $300 a day. Considering how a big huge pack containing around 20packets costs as low as $0.60 and selling 2-3packets is $1, the profit margin is more than 10times. I guess I should just mourn and wonder why I'm not born to look like one of them on the streets selling tissue paper and indulge myself in self-pity. What a bitch.

I'm just so disheartened.

-nIx- @ [[12:02 PM]]

April 07, 2007

It's really amusing how little things never fail to amaze me. Anything but school and teachers and studies and books and notes.

Little talks with you has always made my problems seem so much smaller and leaves me feeling happy, although this time not I'm not exactly happier for there's no end to this, but it's helped to calm me down at least - being at peace is just something I've lost touch with for such a long time. Although you may not be there for me physically, it just helps a lot to be able to shake that load off my shoulders when you're there for me to turn to. I know I should learn not to be relying so much on you but thank you so very much for being here for me.

Afternoon class was a really big surprise when I saw a bear on the table. At first I thought it was Emeline's shopping but I realised it was for me after reading the tag saying cheer up gal, from Emeline and Yu Shan. Really made my day. I think its dressing is just the same as something I would have worn.

Then a further surprise when I went to bunk and got another toy dog in this metal which was bag shaped. Plus a bar of chocolate she bought on the spot and a heart shaped box containing over 10 quotes, lots of gachapon crazes and Finding Nemo Vitagen badges and heart shaped straws.

I really love everyone for being there for me even though for some, I didn't realise it till now.

I'm just thankful for being alive now and for all the people who've kept me sane.

I really should stop eating chocolate and ice cream which I have never failed to for the past 2weeks. Rubbish bin!

-nIx- @ [[7:00 PM]]

April 06, 2007

A Good Friday with 7hours of class and 1.5hours of pure torture - the supposedly surprise class test.

This is getting so depressing. A Good Friday that isn't good at all.

I've really got nothing to say.

-nIx- @ [[11:34 PM]]

April 04, 2007

Insider information : There may be a test on Friday.

So what makes you think you can deny the rest of the class that right to know since you've let others know? Do you think that even if you decide to announce there's a test on Thursday's night class that anyone can ever catch up with studying? What the fuck do you want them to do? Stay up all night to mug for the test the following day and then end up too tired to study?

I really want to throw rotten apples, strawberries and honeydews at you.

So what if I'm not one of your favoured students? I'm not even jealous that you tell my friends but not me. Because I'm so disgusted. Disgusted that you even dared to say if by Thursday you can't finish the syllabus you'll continue on Friday.

I bet you just want to see people's blank faces during the test and then start yelling your bloody head off just because people aren't prepare for it. Go retire and fly a kite please.

Whatever it is I'm already studying whether there is or isn't any test.

-nIx- @ [[4:17 PM]]

April 03, 2007

Right now everyone is just shooting each other with how, how and how?

Because we all don't know the answers/solutions to our questions.

And it's followed by we need to find a way out.

But we never really do manage to find the solution.

How now brown cow?

-nIx- @ [[10:41 PM]]

April 02, 2007

My little over-the-board orangey room. So if you come to my room and can't guess my favourite colour correctly, be prepared to hear my endless(and meaningless) yacks.

Ps. I am so angry because it only comes with 1 pillow case and I have 2more waiting outside plus another few more which was forcefully pulled over to my parents bed. Don't worry I'll save them all!

Ah, and also, NIX IS GIVING AWAY THE PIG ON THE FLOOR FOR FREE TO WHOEVER WANTS IT. Please be warned that this pig eats nothing but dust. I've dusted it already but then given my easy-to-collect-dust room, it's not going to last long. I was already planning on throwing it away anyway.

My mum is yakking at me because I've been at her comp since the time I woke up. Ah. I need a new comp for myself soon.

-nIx- @ [[10:58 PM]]

Distractions one too many ; what say you?

Mike :
Flirting is... da only job in da world dat a man cannot include in his biodata despite havin years of experience & number of references !! Wot say? Hehehe

Mike is mad.

-nIx- @ [[7:05 PM]]

Apart from that hideously placed bed in the middle of my room currently waiting for it's new bedsheets to be dried, it's rather neat as compared to how it looked when I first woke up.

It's now 6.17pm and I should bother more about the fact that I haven't been studying much and I have tests coming up and school on Good Friday(God bless, I have no idea why the mad one decides to have school on Good Friday instead of spending time with his kid whom I bet he hardly gets to see because he ends classes as late as 11pm in which is way past the bedtime of a primary school kid. In my opinion, except for the money part, I don't think the kid will appreciate the parent's working so hard because all their effort and "love" is going to go down the drain real quick. He should retire and spend more family time with his kid before his kid can't even remember how the dad looks like.)

Okay, now time to study before I get my ass kicked out of classes and notes withheld. Sometimes it makes me wonder, am I the one paying or do I owe them a favour by joining their classes? Why don't they pay me to attend their classes instead?

Even so if I didn't actually pay for the classes with monetary items, I did pay off with my hard work to use those vouchers( in which this time round I think I'm going to be deprived of because I screwed up.)

I get distracted way too easily.

Time to study now.

-nIx- @ [[6:15 PM]]

; the fight against time.

So I'm not going but at least that means I saved some money.

Either way it doesn't make much of a difference.

I've been packing my room since I was up like at 10am then I fell asleep after the minimum work done and now am awake again.

Lazy days aren't suited for people like me. I hate to just sit and do nothing. It's like a useless depletion of my brain cells. I've always been doing something all my life.

I think I shall just go back to packing my room.

-nIx- @ [[3:30 PM]]

Maybe there's not much to life.

I've lost a few friends along the way, precious ones. Ones that leave a deep impression.

Made a handful more, ones that SUCK and ones that really stand by me always.

A few mistakes here and there, which I don't know if I should die regretting.

Helped some, for better or for worse. I don't know.

And at times I just try so very hard just to please one person or another, maybe I should just stop trying.

Maybe I don't know what I'm talking. All this "welcome to life, welcome to reality" talk. Shit!

; maybe one day I'll understand the depth of life

-nIx- @ [[1:15 AM]]

April 01, 2007

Sometimes I wish I could be invincible because people just won't leave me alone when I want to be. Nag and nag and nag.

-nIx- @ [[7:08 PM]]

I guess I really forgot the defination of life and all there is to it.

Please set me back on my pace and just let me chill.

-nIx- @ [[11:40 AM]]

So much for April Fools day. I was planning to do something right for once but then I don't think today would be a very good day to do so.

But then again since I'm not me maybe I've been walking on the sidewalks, reflecting on a me without knowing who I really am.

I wish I could stop fooling myself.

-nIx- @ [[11:19 AM]]